For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize