with your own penis?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
