ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
