he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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