Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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