Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize