we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize