question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
