Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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