There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
