She's JV to your varsity
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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