grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize