You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
