would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
