So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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