Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize