no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
