honey bunches of taint.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
