Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
