So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize