I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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