i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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