Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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