She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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