pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
