True but thats because hes a fetus.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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