I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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