During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
