If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
