saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Non-Jews are for practice
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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