All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
