I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
