On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
