This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
