I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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