is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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