Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have aggressive nipples.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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