You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
