In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
