Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
