Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
