Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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