If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
