Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize