dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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