No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
