whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
