It's just like the Real World with babies
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
