Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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