how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
