He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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