what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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