I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
