Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
