You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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