I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
