1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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