I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize