Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
