I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
