I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
