I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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