I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
