Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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