They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
