Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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