he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
