Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
