Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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