Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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