really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
