lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
