never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
