Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i believe in u and ur pee
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